Raven on a Writing Desk

scyllacat @ 2009-07-15T13:09:00

2009-07-15T18:09:41Z

I haz a money! What I do wif it?

scyllacat @ 2009-07-09T03:39:00

2009-07-09T07:40:57Z

So, it's 3:40 a.m. I woke up at midnight. The Internet doesn't do it for me anymore. I go to my favorite gaming and blog sites and I'm bored. This may be a good sign for my activity level, as much as waking up at midnight is a bad sign for my sleep chemistry.

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

2009-07-05T00:12:09Z

Apparently, it's better to get personal than intelligent, thought-provoking, or controversial.

But I don't feel like competing with Sarah Palin this news cycle, so I'll catch you guys on the flip side.

scyllacat @ 2009-06-25T15:31:00

2009-06-25T20:31:49Z

http://ping.fm/p/mn8rK - There, my butt.

scyllacat @ 2009-06-25T15:28:00

2009-06-25T20:28:29Z

Dwivian, never say I don't care.

Facing the confrontation of the dragon

2009-06-14T23:17:40Z

It's not really a dragon. It's simply that my Windows has too many bugs.

I just rebooted my computer. Here I am looking at three messages.
1. "Found new hardware": That's my scanner.
2. The scanner software is attempting to boot: "Scanner Dectector can find no scanner connected to your computer."
3. The Found New Hardware Wizard has booted: Having found new hardware, wants to look for the software.

This is the first thing that happens when I reboot my computer. Also, I only reboot the computer. The "shutdown" and "sleep" commands don't work. Sometimes I abort the computer with the old MASH THE START BUTTON FOR SEVERAL SECONDS--but I know that's exactly like yelling SHUT UP in a noisy room. It works, but all the conversations previously happening are fucked, and everyone's annoyed with you.

Sometimes, during this process, the computer forgets which of my two screens is the primary screen, and it paints every thing on the opposite screen--then it does this trick where it makes me move the mouse off the left side of the left screen to get to right screen... because although it's switched primary screens on me, it hasn't switched it's image of their orientation to each other.

So, I'm annoyed. I need to save electricity. I need to work efficiently. I need Microsoft not to be a backstabbing asshat of a pseudoprimate. I'm tempted to reinstall Windows just to show it who's boss. I'm tempted to delete every file I've never heard of. I'm tempted to change careers and leave the country. I pace. I take deep breaths. I take psychiatric medications. I leave the room. For two days.

I come back and start with JustFuckingGoogleIt. "Windows won't shut down." I feel desperate. I feel stupid. I feel like typing with my fists. Then I come across this page and read the magic phrase "Sometimes it's a third party product causing a reboot at Shutdown ... and there is a fix."

I bookmark it. I go back to reading. "BE SURE TO MAKE A BACK UP EITHER MANUALLY OR BY USING THE SYSTEM RESTORE POINT." I look up "System restore." I click to create a restore point. I describe it. I'm ready.

I feel a sudden sense of dread. I have just as much as announced to Windows that "I intend to fuck with it." I'm not sidling up with a sample version of a registry scanner. I'm going to mess with how it operates. I've announced my intentions. Suddenly, Windows is much bigger, and scalier, than I remember.

And ohshit, now I need an ending for this friggin' entry. Aw, fuckit.

As an aside, there's also a new feature/post on my SRS BLOG about what I managed to grasp about the news this week.

Update, just so you know I didn't drop off the fact of the earth

2009-06-12T03:47:16Z

A. Apartment: I still find plenty of dead roaches, but not many live ones. Of course, I help by remaining there and particularly eating there as little as possible. I would like to say I cannot wait to get out of here, but I can at least say I have high hopes of doing so.

B. Bedtime: My sleeping habits have been completely whacked for months now. I can't get a handle on it. If work isn't keeping me up all night, I might be playing video games or just lying in bed listening to podcasts waiting for something to happen. This week, I slept 12 hours over Sunday night and then again Tuesday night, with nothing Monday night. (zamiel helped.)

C. Charlie: We're still going to counseling. As I told the counselor, I have more hope for our emotional relationship going well than the sheer logistics at this point. We have made huge steps forward in communicating, and recently unraveled one of those dichotomies that has kept Charlie from having what he wanted--namely a comfortable life WITH someone else.

D. Dyspepsia: I seem to have acquired an intestinal disorder of some sort, aggravated with stress, relieved with ranitidine. Fortunately, no particular food seems to make it worse, but by the same token, none makes it better, either. If I took my medication more consistently, I might have a chance of curing it. As it is, I simply seem to be holding it at bay.

D.1. Doctors: I sound just like them in that last paragraph.

E. Employment: Mine is okay, but the life of an independent contractor is still full of ups and downs. It's still better than being a courier, because at least in this job, I make money when there is work, rather than gradually losing it.

Charlie is working now, but only one day a week while trying to find other places besides Life Grocery. But if you're in Marietta near Life Grocery, he's doing Really Amazing Massage there on Friday afternoons.

F. Family: Jennifer and Michael's divorce was finally final, and she's ditched another boyfriend. Jennifer also got laid off from Victoria's Secret as part of the economic downturn, so she decided to stay home with the kids this summer. Last I heard from mom, she has been put on another medication for her to be noncompliant with. I understand this is an injection, but not insulin. Then again, I heard this from Jennifer, so she could just be misunderstanding. Nathan and I went to the new Star Trek, but I think he still likes Star Wars best. Rebekah is into Twilight now. I'm afraid to ask.

I think I will not push my luck any further for now. I will try to update this weekend, when I am sure social stimulation will excite me about something.

scyllacat @ 2009-05-18T18:34:00

2009-05-18T23:34:39Z

Street art? Local club? No. Toyota ad.

scyllacat @ 2009-05-18T12:03:00

2009-05-18T17:03:15Z

Also catching up on WTC

Trying to turn a political page.

2009-05-08T20:58:24Z

Mark keeps saying I should use/write this stuff down that I think, that my take on things is different. See his influence in my latest blog entry: I r srs blogger. This r srs blog.

While I was working on that, I found this: "...Obama hasn’t got his math right.He claims that there is '$1 trillion worth of loopholes in the corporate tax code.' That is ridiculous. The entire corporate income tax collected only $372 billion in 2007."

Ok, the way I read that, $1 trillion worth of loopholes would indicate that there is $1 trillion that is leaving because of loopholes. If they're only collecting $372 billion when they should be collecting $1,372 billion, that's quite a loophole--an 83% deficit in corporate taxes. Imagine that.

I'm not sure the figures are right, I have not checked the quotes to see if it was actually said. This is not about the facts of this particular case. This is about the fact that I kept meaning to read Cato Institute stuff because they were supposed to be smart, but using it as a search term pulls up stupid statements like this. This makes me a sad panda.

Denis Leary told me to.

2009-05-07T19:53:46Z

In which I turn into an American.

2009-04-23T23:18:41Z

I get to stare at the dull beige walls of my apartment, and the ceiling is the same color. I've given up thinking I'm going to turn it into my cozy little nook, and so I stare out the window into the wide world of the lovely computer. I have watched too much network programming. Robert Sean Leonard, Tim Roth, and Emily Deschanel interest me more than I do. And someone picks out their clothes for them. I'm wearing too much black again.

It reminds me of other, worse slumps (I still have my dear heofmanynames, and friends too numerous to name), when I marveled at the "brave new world." I've continued to demand that my life be nicer, richer, more entertaining, sexier than most people do. No wonder we sell so much beer and television, if this is what the proles have to do. What are all you people DOING out there? Why don't you off yourselves in droves? OMFG.

My own voyeurism nauseates me. I should have a much cooler life. I can't afford that. If I am turned off by voyeurism, I'll drive off my audience.

Or maybe it's just middle age. Or lack of sleep.

Really. Why aren't you a sheep? There's like 200 of you just on my flists. I know none of you think you are a lobotomized, sedated sheep. Why not? Indulge me.

Writer's Block: What Next?

2009-03-20T06:03:56Z

What do you think happens to us when we die?

View other answers

How did I end up here? I have NO idea. I am sure my body will disintegrate. I hope that there's something else going on. I think emotional fulfillment would be great, but I'm not sure I'll still feel things. I hope that something I've done will go on. I hope I've got the right idea.

But 'eudaimonia'? I can't tell you --I've met it, but I don't know what it is.

There is ineffability in the world. It gives me hope.

scyllacat @ 2009-03-15T14:04:00

2009-03-15T19:05:17Z

http://ping.fm/p/AKM8Z - I have done duty. Man haz steak.

I dreamed this morning....

2009-03-15T17:50:05Z

That I was in a cross between Dr. Who and Lost. I was in a magic time-traveling bus with a bunch of people that kept blinking in and out of places. Pierce Brosnan was on it. He's apparently a holdover from my teenage dreamcasting, though I've stopped being consciously aware of him most of the time. More remarkably, Asprin was in and out a lot, and seemed to be outside of the timestream, showing up older, younger, with more or less hair (tho he never cut it while I knew him).

I woke up with a re-knowing that I was never going to talk to him again, and wondered if I should look for messages.

Now I know it must be a recession.

2009-03-06T00:14:20Z

From a movie review:

"...[R]eal estate must be incredibly cheap, because virtually everyone in the movie seems to be living in fabulous, spacious lofts, even though they have seemingly average jobs (when their jobs are defined at all). Goodwin's Gigi, Jennifer Connelly's Janine and Jennifer Aniston's Beth all have cubicles at some sort of spice or tea company. Hard to say what it is because they never, ever work. They just stand around trying to figure out men, and nobody ever emerges from an office to say, 'All right ladies, you're all tremendously attractive, but you're going to have to do SOMETHING at some point to justify those paychecks.'"

I've noticed this for years in movies and dramas and sitcoms--I'll leave the listing of favorite pet-peeve, above-their-means characters to the comment thread--but this is the first time I have ever seen someone mention it.

Sauce here.

scyllacat @ 2009-03-05T12:49:00

2009-03-05T17:50:16Z

Just to show they can still mess with me, they submitted 3 hours of raw tape yesterday. Only three dictators. One of whom was responsible for only 20-25 minutes. So yeah, just sending them away is not sufficient to keep them from rattling on for hours.

Just to say why I'm not writing today.

scyllacat @ 2009-03-03T18:48:00

2009-03-04T00:55:56Z

http://ping.fm/p/91WcG - Sheila says I'm not supposed to eat this. I fail at garnish.

scyllacat @ 2009-03-03T18:26:00

2009-03-04T00:33:59Z

http://ping.fm/p/dhYSj - Margarita is bigger than coaster

scyllacat @ 2009-02-16T21:39:00

2009-02-17T03:45:41Z

What are we doing for Mardi Gras?

scyllacat @ 2009-02-16T21:04:00

2009-02-17T03:10:51Z

New post: http://ping.fm/rRSJJ

I finally got LJ archive to work

2009-02-16T23:05:13Z

And found myself reading about the mad whirlwind of love relationships I went through in 2001. REALLY dysfunctional. People who weren't available, who were married, who were single but not emotionally available, or mature enough, or something.

I'd gotten divorced the year before, so that seemed like the thing that was missing, I guess. Yes, it did, I remember. But now it's really embarrassing.

It also seems very 30-ish. That everyone who was into having a long-term relationship was already IN one, and everyone who wasn't was unsuited to be in one. Things seem more stable now. Perhaps you can plan to have a family either before or after thirty, but not AT 30.

Anyway. Yay, LiveJournal backup.

Walkin' Back to Georgia

2009-02-13T06:39:08Z

I've been doing a radical music reorganization, so we're doing this one with about 10% of the music files...

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your iPod/iTunes or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the NEXT button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.

Set your music players to random shuffle and answer the questions.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Hard Rain Coming Down on Me (Tom Waits)

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Rock and Roll Strategy (.38 Special)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Pleasantly Blue (4 Non Blondes)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
The Wheel (Edie Brickell and New Bohemians)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Rock 'N' Roll is King (ELO)

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
The One that You Love (Air Supply)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Mesopotamia (B-52s)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Fortress Around Your Heart (Sting)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Der Komissar (After the Fire)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Does Your Mamma Know? (Abba)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Black Friday (Steely Dan)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Give Me Love (George Harrison)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Don't Download This Song (Weird Al)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
My Girlfriend (Who Lives in Canada) (Avenue Q)

15. WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Rough Boy (ZZ Top)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Desire (Yello)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Orange Guitars (Jimmy Haslip)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
What it Takes (Aerosmith)

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Crying Steel Guitar (Tammy Wynette)

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Our Time (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Xanadu (Olivia Newton-John)

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Walkin' Back to Georgia (Jim Croce)

Yeah, I think we could have done a little better.

Thanks for caring, status is quo

2009-02-13T02:36:20Z

I haven't had time to post at all for a few weeks. Thus the parade of tweets and twitters. But my mother has been having substantial, spontaneous epistaxis (doctor talk for "nosebleed") for a few weeks now. They have been getting worse, and this week she had to have the vessels cauterized for the second time because it just would not stop.

The doctor she went to said that he could see two possible causes, one being "bad luck" (by which I suppose he meant "idiopathic") or arising from her cirrhosis. I find it listed as a complication or symptom, and it does not look good.

But there's not much you can do about livers, so we try to stop the bleeding. :(

Some of you know my mom, and some of you care about my mom because of me, so here's the history/skinny:

My mother's primary physical issue throughout her adult life has been obesity. She's been a yo-yo dieter for years, but really lost control of it after my dad died in 1991. Thus, she's had high blood pressure for years and developed type 2 diabetes. She's had problems with her feet and legs, and they're talking about her needing knee replacement in a couple of years.

Her other primary problem has been underlying all these years, a condition called hemochromatosis. We'd thought we were pretty lucky, as it seems that we'd gotten off with only liver damage, although, of course, since they found it, they'd been watching her closely. However, the cirrhosis is severe, and so a lot of medications are now not available to my mom, etc.

What happens now? I don't know. Her life expectancy is definitely shortened, but by how much? I'm more concerned, at the moment, that episodes like the nosebleeds will map a long, slow decline for her.

So, from here, I got nothing.

Digging my blog out of its untimely grave.

2009-02-11T23:18:14Z

Things I have learned from the internet: Bunnies and kitties like cookies. The dark side has cookies.

Therefore...

The connection between kitties and bunnies and the Dark Side has been deliberately under-reported by the Mainstream Media.

There will be research. Yes. Possibly grants.